shame?

man oh man. i have a small confession to make to you, loyal readers. a couple of months ago when i purchased the computer i am currently blogging on, i had no idea that it would turn out to be used mostly for siad blog and playing mobsters on myspace. that game has taken me over, no lie. i am consumed with ammassing more wealth so i can purchase increasingly complicated weapons which will then allow me to more effectively wipe out rival mobs thereby ammassing even more wealth. it rules. and i am only level 20, a relatively low level in the game compared to some of the people who have pretty much wiped their asses with me, metaphorically speaking. i never allow people to wipe their ass with me in real life. unless they have a real gun. then it could happen, i guess. anyway, if you are not already playing this game, i totally recommend it as a way to completely abandon everything else in your life that you hold near and dear so as to make time for a ficticious role playing application on a lame social networking website. go for it!!!! you'll love it. and while you're at it, join my mob. i need one more member and three armored trucks before they will allow me to begin robbing banks, which is where the real money is. as it is, the most i can do is distill and distribute moonshine. while lucrative, it is no where near the reward of ripping off banks and i have my eye on a juicy bit of seaside that is in the neighborhood of 10,000,000 bucks. i need all the help i can get. i hereby take back everything i said about lame ass eric wasting all his time on world of warcraft. okay, not everything i said, but a decent portion of it. who knew that pretending to punch other people in their pretend face could be so fun?

holla.

whatever

ok...i admit that i am not exactly the most picky person when it comes to what i choose to watch to entertain myself on any given day, but lately i have found myself more and more sucked into these strangely ubiquitous australian movies that kind of suck but are spellbinding nonetheless. i don't know if it the accent or the good tans and blond hair or the fact that the people in these flicks all tend to be good looking but not crazy hot. you know what i mean? they are cute, like the hot guy that works at your local mexican restaurant, but not brad pitt level hot by any means. what this means is that watching these flicks, which are invariably a love story, is like watching a documentary almost. you believe that these dudes might actually run into a few snags trying to score some pussy. i'm sorry, but i will never believe that jake gyllenhaal has to so anything other than make eye contact and crook a single finger to get some snatch...but these aussie guys are all so average looking, it adds an air of authenticity that only kiwis and diablo cody seem to be able to achieve. there is this one in particular about 4 guys who are all eighteen trying to get laid for the first time so they throw a huge party. it's like australian pie, the unrated version. australia, unlike the u.s. but like EVERY OTHER FUCKING PLACE ON EARTH, has a pretty lax policy when it comes to showing nudity and it is fairly gratuitous. but, becuase they do it all the fucking time, it has become a non-issue. i can't wait for americans to unbuckle the fucking bible belt that dictates we all have to adhere to an elizabethan sense of propriety when we all manage to procreate, so i'm fairly sure we are familiar with the opposite sex's kibbles and bits. anyway, i wasn't really planning on climbing onto that particular high horse, so i will get back to what i was trying to say to begin with. i think they have somehow managed to inject this movie with some kind of transferrable crack that has rendered me pretty much addicted to it. those guys are so cute and loveable and yet unfuckable. anyway.

speaking of my lack of pickiness, i was watching the girls next door yesterday and i found my new favorite insult, it will NEVER, of course, be more insulting than "you smell like cheese, you loser" (there are only a handful of people on this earth allowed to sling that particular insult, and we know who we are. the rest of you: don't even fucking try it. i will know and i will hunt you down and punish you for it.) it is, however, satisfying to say...they girls and hef were all going to renfair and brought in a language coach to teach them some key phrases so kendra wouldn't feel lost all day. apparently back then, a slut was referred to as a sausage wallet. ha. say it out loud while thinking about the chick your first boyfriend fucked around with. nice, right? i knew you'd like it.

early faves for big brother 10 are in, and i will guarantee that renny ain't winning this one. of course, last season i would have sworn on a stack or your choice of religious published work that big baller and shelia were goners week one and i would have has to eat those words, so who knows? personally, i would go ahead and kick out ALL the people with fake names, like memphis and libra. please. gross. and who else is completely addicted to so you think you can dance? love that shit. will from nashville will win that whole shebang. mark my words. this week the couples split up and he will no longer be saddled with the dead weight of jessica or whatever her fucking name is. and he will rule. local boy does good. he is hot and he can dance his ass off.

weeeeeeeelllll...i have already been more loquacious than i intended, so holla.

A New Classic

All right. I was just watching the old idiot box, scrolling through looking for something to watch, when i noticed that next on AMCHD is "Delta Farce." Starring Bill Engvall and Larry the Cable Guy. I daresay that AMC has relaxed its standards for what constitutes a classic. Delta Farce? Really? I realize it was nominated for a bunch of oscars and all that, but I am not sure i would list it up there with citizen kane and casablance. I could be wrong....nope. I'm never wrong.

On a completely unrelated topic....I have apparently been born with defective ears. My ear buds simply do not stay in my ears and it drives me fucking batty. My favorite thing is to pop in the ipod while I am either opening or closing the bar and jam out while I clean while simultaneously blocking the aural rape that some people refer to as "country music." In fact, i won't complain if i never hear another taylor swift song for the rest of my days. however, every time i bend over to pick something up, or wash a dish, or look to the left or breathe, those damn ear buds fall the fuck out. and then i curse, pop em back in, and start the cycle over. i guess i am going to have to invest in another brand and hope they work a little better. hate.

okay...one last clue that proves we are headed for apocalypse: greatest american dog. please slit my throat now. or at least rip the eyes from my skull to spare me. tv scares me sometimes.

all right. i wasn't planning on really rambling this long, but i am still digesting the delta farce thing.
holla.