No! El carro es no rojo!!!

Well, shit. It turns out that one of the many things I have seen shilled via crappily produced infomercials turns out to be the real deal. This past week I broke down and shucked out an amazing amount of cash to procure my very own copy of the rosetta stone language learning software, the latin american spanish one, in fact. and that bitch works. my brother and i are both learning espaniol (or "spanish" for you gringos) at an alrmingly fast rate. I can, with great certainty, identify that the strawberries are indeed in a basket. The women are jumping. Two. Stuff like that. Soon I will be able to sneak up on the chicks at work making bread and tell them I know that they have been talking smack about me this whole time and just shock the shit out of them. i am thinking of keeping it to myself for a while and just spring it on them one day, if only to relish the look of pure horror on their faces when they realized that THIS gringa has their number. word. watch out, kids.

now, on to bigger and better things, like the crappy summer tv schedule, or lack thereof. has anyone else been watching the trainwreck known as "celebrity circus?" it makes circus of the stars, it's 80's era older cousin, look like an intricately coreographed ballet. it is horrible. yet, not unlike a trainwreck, i can't seem to stop watching it. there is something about seeing bobby brady stapped into a giant bungie cord careening around a tiny studio that is being to filmed to look huge that completely hypnotizes a person. it is gross and fascinating at the same time... i think my favorite was seeing rachel hunter overcome her fear of heights to perform on the highwire "WITHOUT A NET!!!!!," and then seeing that she and her co-performers were all strapped in, robbing the entire routine of any type of anxiety or entertainment value. where's the thrill? if they fall, then they simply have to do an impromptu version of the bungie act. it's not like we'll get to see them go splat, which is what the circus is all about. you don't see nascar installing giant inflatable bumpers all the way around the track. what's the fun in that? in short, really bad tv has come to town. however, we did manage to catch the inaugural episode of wipeout, america's answer to the japanese game shows we have all been secretly watching on spike for years already. hosted by some dude from espn and john "skunk boy" henson of talk soup fame, it turned out to be HIlarious. many laugh out loud moments. like the first time the final 6 contestants unstrapped themselves from the wheel of death (or whatever they called it) and stumbled drunkenly toward a series of obstacles. insanity. and hilarity. plus, the commentary was actually funny, and not just in an awkward translation kind of way. at one point, a self-described basketball player tried to jump onto an obstacle and managed about 2" of air. skunk boy then explained that he owed it all to his new 'ground jordans.' oh, man. stop. funny. really.

one last thing. as you all may know, i am currently in the beginning stages of soon opening the newest pied piper creamery, somewhere other than in east nashville. like maybe west or south or north nashville. while this is nothing if not daunting, i hope you will all come out in force and buy copious amounts of frozen dairy product, which will bring me one step closer to my american dream of never working another day in my life, unless you count the arduous task of opening envelopes filled with checks made out to me and taking them to the bank. then i could focus all my energy on being the world's premiere blogger/ice creamer to the stars. jealous?

holla.